


Bullies

by This_Witch_Writes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bullying, F/M, Hogwarts, M/M, abuse tw, marauder era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-08 03:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8829109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Witch_Writes/pseuds/This_Witch_Writes
Summary: Hogwarts had its fair share of bullies and bullied and Sirius Black was both.





	1. Chapter 1

Sirius Black tried to run but ropes shot the end of his mother’s wand and grabbed him by the ankles. His hands were still free for a moment or two but he had left his wand upstairs. He cursed his lapse as he tore at the ropes with his hands until one of his fingernails broke in half and his mother bound his wrists as well.

 

'I am tired of your insolent melodrama Sirius,' she screeched as the ropes flew back towards her in the air, dragging her son with them. 'You will do as you're told.'

 

Regulus and Orion were still standing by the sofa where they had sprang to their feet when the heir to the Black name had made a break for it. Narcissa looked furious at the scene her cousin was creating in front of that Malfoy boy she’d brought over.

 

On his knees and trembling Sirius was jerked backwards by his mother’s hand on his head. Walburga Black slashed her wand and Sirius felt his long hair start to fall away. His face burned with the humiliation as Orion sat back down with a chuckle.

 

He should have just done it himself when it first got brought up, at his horrific birthday dinner a week ago, it would have saved all this. But Sirius couldn’t stop himself from lashing back at them. Punishing his family in all the tiny small ways he could.

 

The carpet was covered in his hair now. Walburga pushed her son’s head away and sat down beside her husband. The ropes fell away from Sirius’s arms and legs. Kreacher the house-elf appeared with a snap and began to tidy up.

 

'No, no, Kreacher,' Walburga smiled. 'Sirius is going to clean up his own mess. You get me a drink.'

 

Sirius gathered his own hair off the floor and threw it into the fireplace before leaving the room. He hoped the singed smell would choke them.

 

That was when he decided. Once he left for Hogwarts he was never coming back in Grimauld Place. Even if at the end of Sixth Year he had to sleep in the Forbidden Forest or in Kings Cross station. Sirius said all this out loud to himself in his room. Laughing and rubbing what remained of his hair.

 

'Though maybe James will let me stay with him,' Sirius pretended that this was just his backup plan and not his only real option.

 

Because what if James or his parents said no.

 

'He won't,' Sirius told himself. But his hands were still shaking from the ordeal downstairs and the marauder felt a lot younger than sixteen.

 

* * *

 

The first thing Sirius saw on the far side of the barrier at platform 9 ¾ was James Potter. Sirius felt three stone lighter right away. James was the same, all easy grins and messy hair. James was the same kid who had offered to curse his father out the train window in their second year. James was his best friend and would not abandon him.

 

He raised his hand to wave but James was not looking right at him. He was staring wistfully off to the left, to where Lily Evans was standing talking to Marlene McKinnon. For once James wasn’t trying to get her attention or impress her. For a second he looked lonely. James Potter lonely? Impossible.

 

Regulus collided with Sirius’s back because in his daze he had not moved out of the way of the entrance.

 

‘Burn it,’ Regulus swore pushing his older brother out of the way. ‘Wake up, will you?’

 

Both Black brothers hurried out of the way before their parents swept through next, followed by Kreacher pulling the trolley containing their trunks.

 

James spotted him by now and waved cheerily, all signs of his melancholy melted like snow. Marlene waved too but Lily had disappeared into the crowd. She was not with Snape. Sirius could see him standing with a group of Slytherins that Regulus was moving towards. Sirius shuddered. He had heard the rumours. He might not be able to claim he loved his brother much but what he was hearing about these “knights” that were obsessed with blood purity; it frightened him. Snape patted Regulus on the back and glared in Sirius’s direction. The eldest Black son was filled with the urged to just cursed him right there and then on the platform, consequences be damned. But he couldn’t, if Sirius got expelled he would have to be sent home. That was not an option now. But all the same, he wanted to _hurt_ Snape.

 

He turned stiffly and said goodbye to his parents before getting on the train. His mother made some comment about not disgracing the family too badly this year but the blood was pounding in Sirius’s ears so loudly he could barely hear her. This was it. Once he walked away from them this time, there was no turning back, he would never go back to Grimmauld Place.

 

James dragged him along by the arm. ‘Come on Pads, Wormtail went ahead to get us a compartment. Have you seen Moony? I can’t find him.’

 

‘Maybe he’s not well,’ Sirius gently pulled his arm free of James, not liking how the tugging reminded him of home but kept following.

 

‘Nope, I checked,’ James peered in through a door. ‘What the hell?!’

 

Remus and Lily Evans were sitting side by side in an otherwise empty compartment. They were leaning together and talking in low voices. Sirius watched a parade of emotions march and switch places across his best friend’s face.

 

Further up, Peter Pettigrew stuck his head out of a compartment. ‘Come on, you two!’ He called. ‘I had to tell Finius Gib that you had cursed your seats to keep him out.’

 

Sirius shoved his friend along and they piled into the compartment Peter had been guarding.

 

‘What wrong with you two?’ He asked.

 

‘Nothing,’ Sirius answered for James. ‘Wormy, could you go have a look on the platform for Moony. I can’t if the parents are still there.’

 

‘Sure,’ Peter frowned, suspecting that they were leaving him out of some scheme, but he went.

 

‘Prongs,’ Sirius started as soon as their friend left the compartment.

 

‘I don’t care,’ James snapped.

 

‘You don’t know there’s anything to not care about,’ Sirius countered. ‘Moony knows how you feel about Evans. They’re probably just talking about all the extra summer homework they took on. Have you ever seen Remus chat up a girl? I mean, try to picture it?’

 

James’s scowl flickered for a second and then he laughed. ‘You’re right. That’s pretty ridiculous.’

 

‘Exactly, Moony would never do that,’ Sirius could not tell his best friend why he was so certain; the one secret between them.

 

Peter and Remus appeared at the door and slid exhausted into the seat opposite their friends just as the train started to move.

 

‘I nearly missed the train looking for this idiot when he was two compartments down!’ Peter gasped.

 

‘I said sorry Worm,’ Remus panted, grinning a little.

 

He caught Sirius’s eye and if Sirius did not know him better he would have said that Remus _leered_ at him. Blood flushed through Sirius’s cheeks and he stared out the window to hide them. James had curled up on the seat beside him like a cat, his robes draped over him like a blanket.

 

Peter blinked at Sirius as though seeing him for the first time. ‘Pads, what did you do with your hair?’

 

‘I cut it, obviously,’ Sirius snapped with such venom that Peter physically recoiled from him.

 

Peter muttered to himself about not meaning it in a bad way and pulled what was left of his summer homework from his bag to finish. Once his nose was buried in a book, Remus stretched his long legs out until his feet were resting on Sirius’s ankles.

 

James woke up a little after and the other three got changed into their robes. Sirius sat in his corner and wondered if he would fit into any of James’s muggle clothes if he did go to stay with him. He fussed with the sleeve of his robes, they had been uncomfortable all day.

 

‘Ow,’ something sharp stuck into the flesh above his elbow.

 

Remus appeared beside him and pulled a straight pin from the fabric. ‘How in Merlin’s name, did this get on you?’

 

‘Bloody Kreacher, Sirius muttered. ‘He’s burning hilarious.’

 

The sweets trolley came by and James indulged a bit enthusiastically. He and Peter ended up leaning back to back on one of the seats, clutching their stomachs with their sugar and chocolate stained hands before falling asleep. Remus settled in next to Sirius with a smiled.

 

He leaned his head against his shoulder. ‘Are you glad to be going back to school Padfoot?’ He whispered.

 

Sirius snorted. ‘I’d be glad even if they had made Filch headmaster.’

 

They shared a chuckle. Remus toyed with the ragged ends of Sirius’s hair. ‘You really made a mess of this, Pads, do you want me to fix it after the feast?’

 

‘Leave it alone,’ Sirius pushed Remus away. He did not want to associate the memory of Remus touching him with his public humiliation.

 

But Remus crumpled into his a little and shuffled to the other end of the seat, burying his nose in a book.

 

‘Moony I didn’t…’

 

‘It’s fine.’

 

Sirius cursed silently and stared out the window. He saw Peter reflected in the glass. Grinning a little maliciously, Sirius pulled his wand out. With a few quiet words he had turned Peter’s hair electric pink. Remus watched him closely, frowning behind his copy of Advanced Charms.

 

‘It’s just a joke,’ Sirius said defensively. ‘They’ll think it’s funny when they wake up.’

 

‘If you say so, Sirius,’ then they spent the rest of the journey in silence.

 

It was true James fell onto the floor laughing when the slowing train woke them. Peter laughed too, but it was nervous laughter, a little too loud and brittle. His cheeks turned nearly as pink as his hair as he tried to figure out how to undo it. Remus said the counter-charm under his breath just as Peter attempted something else and let his friend think he had fixed it himself. Sirius felt Remus’s judgement between his shoulder blades the whole way to the carriages.

 

James talked enough for all of them. But for the first time, as the great castle came into view above them, Sirius was not completely happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and the first day of classes.

Sirius did not apologise to Peter at the feast but he did pass him the dishes without pretending to drop them first and threatened to curse a snotty fifth year who had made some remark about Peter’s weight. Peter smiled at him so brightly that Sirius knew that he was forgiven and he told himself that that made it okay. 

When they got to the dormitories after the feast, Remus had warmed up towards him again. Remus never could stay mad at him for long. 

James tried to push Sirius’s trunk out of the way and puffed in confusion. ‘What the heck have you got in here Padfoot, a troll?’

Sirius tugged it out of the way. ‘Actually I secretly put pretty much everything I own that I couldn’t bear to have my mother burn.’

The others stopped unpacking. Sirius sat down onto top of the trunk and hugged his knees in to his chest. 

‘I can’t go back. I just can’t.’

Remus sat down on the trunk beside him, not hugging him but just sort of there. Peter hovered, unsure what to do. 

James rolled his eyes, snorted and kicked his trunk open. ‘Obviously, I don’t know what took you so long, Mum already has your wall-paper picked out.’

Sirius stared at the back of his best friend’s head for a minute while Remus got up and politely pretended he couldn’t see him crying. 

Sirius was so elated for their first day of classes that he had difficultly sitting still on his seat. He had not been able to admit how afraid he had been that James wouldn’t want him to come live with him. Remus kicked him under the table in three different classes to get him to stop jittering. 

‘Alright,’ he smiled, drawing a little crescent moon on the back of Remus’s hand with his quill. ‘I’ll behave.’

Remus drew a seven-pointed star on Sirius’s wrist. ‘Good dog,’ he whispered. ‘I am a prefect you know.’

If they had been in any teacher but Prof Binn’s class they doubtless would have been thrown out for the ensuing scuffle. But the ghost simple looked up at them in confusion.

‘Is there a question?’

James laughed at them on the way out of class. Remus got very quiet and shuffled away from Sirius. Sirius knew he didn’t mean to but he could see him withdrawing again. 

‘So what are we doing until dinner?’ Sirius changed the subject. 

‘Ugh,’ James slumped dramatically. ‘I’m off to do Quidditch try-outs.’

‘I thought you were already on the team,’ Peter sniggered. 

‘Ha ha,’ James grumbled. ‘We’re doing them early since we lost three people from last year. Some Third Year has been nagging me all summer. He’s over sixth foot but claims he’ll be the fastest chaser we ever had.’

‘Who is it?’

‘Something Shacklebolt,’ James shrugged his back better onto his shoulder. ‘I’ll catch you lot up in the common room later.’ 

Peter sighed. ‘I’d better get to the library. We have transfiguration first thing tomorrow and I still haven’t finished my summer assignment.’ He disappeared down the corridor. 

Sirius smiled at Remus. ‘So just us heading back to the common room then.’

‘Actually Sirius,’ Remus glanced over his shoulder. Lily Evans was leaning against the wall waiting for him. ‘I’ll see you later.’

Then Sirius was alone. The buoyancy that had carried him around all day vanished and the dragged his heavy limbs up the staircase by himself. He scuffed his shoes off the floor of the corridor at the top. He had seen a pair of black leather boots in Diagon Alley that he was really tempted to order. 

‘You have to make a decision,’ an unpleasantly familiar voice snarled. 

‘Look I support what you’re doing I just…’ 

Sirius sped up, hoping to get out of earshot of the classroom and whatever Snape and his stupid little brother were talking about. 

‘But you just don’t know if you’re too scared to deal with mudbloods yourself?’ Snape laughed. 

Sirius stopped. The door was open. He should walk away. But he heard Regulus whimper in fright and Sirius was running before he had really thought it through. Snape and two other bigger Slytherins were rounding on Regulus.

‘Reg,’ he said to announce himself. ‘You alright?’

‘Go away Sirius,’ Regulus croaked. ‘You’re just making things worse. These are my friends. We’re just working something out.’

‘Yes,’ Snape snarled. ‘And you’re not so brave without your friends anyway.’

His wand found its way out of his robes and into his hand. Suddenly everyone else was holding their wands as well except for Regulus who just stared around the room in despair. 

‘What is going on here?’ Prof McGonagall appeared behind Sirius.

‘Nothing professor,’ Snape muttered. ‘We were just leaving.’

‘An excellent suggestion,’ she held the door open with a raised eyebrow. 

Sirius hung back and waited for them to leave before beginning to go in the opposite direction.

‘Mr Black, a moment.’

‘Yes, professor.’

‘It is rather early in the year to renew your rivalry with Mr Snape is it not?’ Her voice was an icy cold sword of disapproval. 

‘He was picking on my brother, professor,’ Sirius muttered to his shoes.

‘Will your brother confirm this?’

‘No,’ Sirius tried to stop his fists from curling and failed. ‘He’s afraid, he’s always been afraid.’

‘Black…’

He looked away. ‘I’m supposed to be meeting Remus in the common room, can I go professor?’

‘Yes.’

As he dashed for the door he saw her watching him. But he did not want the pity on her face. 

But Sirius barely got up the stairs before crashing into Lily Evans and nearly knocking her to the floor.

‘You set a fire somewhere Sirius?’ She grumbled as he caught her.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbled and went to keep going. 

Lily caught hold of his arm, starting to say something but stopped when she saw Sirius flinch away.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ Sirius flashed a force leer. ‘I thought you were meant to be hanging out with Remus anyway.’

‘I was,’ she frowned. ‘But he wanted to go find you in the common room, where you apparently aren’t.’

‘Oh,’ Sirius tried not to look too pleased because Lily’s wide green eyes scanned him like they were looking for a reaction. 

‘I saw your brother in the corridor with Severus,’ she kept talking despite Sirius’s lack of response.

‘Yeah?’ His tone got aggressive again. ‘Did your best friend tell you what he’s trying to get Regulus to join?’

‘He’s not…’ Lily trailed off. ‘You’re not as different as you think.’

The cold hot sting set into Sirius’s brain again. ‘You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, Evans!’ 

She stepped back and only then did Sirius realise that he had stepped forward. He was out of breath and Lily seemed to be holding hers.

‘Sirius,’ Remus appeared at the top of the stairs. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Lily and Remus were both staring at him now so Sirius just took off at a run past Remus and into the common room. He took the dormitory steps two at a time with Remus close on his heels. 

‘Padfoot,’ he called, hurrying to catch up. ‘Damn it Sirius, stop.’ 

They crashed into the room and Remus slammed the door behind them. 

‘Alone at last,’ Sirius snarled and threw himself on his bed. 

Remus folded his arms. ‘Do you want to tell me what you were doing screaming at Lily or would you prefer to keep acting like a spoiled brat?’

‘Oh we’re talking now are we?’ Sirius sat up. ‘I was just starting to get used to the awkward silence and hiding, don’t change gear now.’

‘I just want to know what’s going on,’ Remus shook his head. ‘But if you just want to scream at me…’

‘Which version of you wants to know what’s going on Moony?’ Sirius sneered. ‘My smug prefect or my secret boyfriend?’ 

‘That’s not fair…’

‘No really,’ Sirius got off the bed. ‘Since yesterday we’ve had casual friends, flirty queer, stern prefect who’s running off for secret chats with Lily Evans…’

‘Sirius.’

‘…so what are you going to turn into next?’

The words hit the tense air like a stone slapping into a frozen pond. Sirius’s mouth fell open as Remus stared at him in silence. 

‘Remus,’ he reached out. ‘I didn’t mean…’

‘Yes, you did,’ Remus whispered, taking a step back. ‘You did mean what that sounded like and you know it.’

When Remus left, Sirius did not try to stop him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is found by an unexpected friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've always been interested in how Lily ended up integrated into the Marauders. By the time they left school it seemed like they were her closest friends too and I wondered how that happened and didn't like the idea that it was only because her and James were together.

Sirius did not go down to dinner but he did wait for everyone else to go down to the Great Hall before slipping out through the common room with the map tucked under his arm. When James got back from the Quidditch pitch he would come to see why Sirius was not at dinner and Sirius did not want to explain to his best friend why he could not face Remus. If he kept the map then James couldn’t use it to track him down. Sirius was not sure where he was going until he was already out of the castle and heading across the grounds. The sun started sinking over the lake.

 

A quick glance at the map told Sirius that no one was around so he wiped it, tucked it into his robes and started to run. He’d hit the grass, furry and on all-fours, before he reached the Whomping Willow. Getting passed its swinging branches to the knot that froze them was more difficult without Peter but he managed.

 

The Shack was as miserable as ever on the inside. Dog-Sirius jumped up on the ruined remains of an armchair and curled into a ball. Sirius was too frightened to change back. Dog emotions were simple. Sad was a manageable sad. Scared was a soft, cautious feeling not a debilitating cold. He knew as soon as he was human again that it would all come crashing over him and he wasn’t ready for that.

 

Sirius did not notice himself falling asleep until a noise on the stairs woke him. He jumped off the chair as the door opened, expecting to see one of the other Marauders, and nearly changed back to human before realising that it was Lily Evans coming through the door.

 

She glanced around the room then stared at the big dog peering around the chair at her. Lily folded her arms. ‘So are you going to be a dog all day, Black or can we talk?’

 

Sirius shifted back, rolling her shoulders and stretching his back. ‘How did you know, Evans?’

 

'Remus told me,’ she started but the look on Sirius’s face stopped her. His body tensed like a spring and his mouth was open to deny it. She held up a hand. ‘He told me everything after I figured out that he was a werewolf this summer.’

 

Lily sat down on one of the cleaner patches of floor and pulled two bottles out of her robes as Sirius stared at her with tense suspicion. ‘Butterbeer?’

 

Sirius took a bottle but stayed standing. Lily flicked her wand and the bottle caps went flying. Sirius paced in front of her while Lily sipped her drink calmly.

 

‘Are you going to tell me how you figured it out?’ He asked after a minute of pacing.

 

‘Well I’d suspected for most of fifth year. The first night of term, we were in the common room after everyone else had gone to bed talking about prefect duties and who would do what and he was talking about how he bad health might mean I had to do more night duty and I swear Remus nearly told me then but then he panicked and went to bed. I noticed the pattern and made a guess but I wasn’t sure until I invited him to visit me this summer.’ She stared at the bottle in her hands. ‘It’s funny, we had never been all that close but Marlene and I weren’t talking much at the end of last year and since Severus and I…’ Lily took a long drink. ‘I think we both started confiding in each other more than we expected and I was lonely. Remus had to get the train to my house because we didn’t have a fire place for the floo network but that was fine. Until there was a problem on the line and the train Remus was meant to go home on got cancelled. Then so was the one the next day. Remus nearly had a nervous breakdown. His dad made an illegal porkey to come get him home. I checked after he left. It was a full moon that night. So two weeks later I went to visit him and told him that I knew. I think it was a relief for him actually, he hates lying but he’s terrified of telling the truth.’

 

‘That’s why you two are suddenly so close this year,’ Sirius sat down.

 

‘Mostly yeah,’ Lily grinned. ‘Were you jealous, Black?’

 

His pale face flushed pink to the tips of his ears. ‘He told you that too?’

 

‘Well it wasn’t much of a secret in comparison with being a werewolf!’ She tossed her head back a little as she laughed for a moment she reminded Sirius of James which made him smile for the first time since his fight with Remus.

 

‘You’d be surprised,’ he snorted.

 

‘Well I understood what it was like…’ she finished her butterbeer in a swig. ‘You know, to like boys and girls.’

 

‘You do?’ Sirius blinked. ‘Wait, what? Remus told you he likes girls too? Which girls?’

 

Lily laughed again and punched his shoulder. ‘Not specific girls, just generally, really you two should talk about this yourselves I’m not an owl, you know? You really are jealous.’

 

Sighing, Sirius fell backward onto the floor. ‘I know. I’m hopeless and now he’ll probably never talk to me again so I guess it doesn’t matter.’ He sat back up. ‘Wait, back up to you liking girls?’

 

‘You didn’t know that Marlene and me…?’ She rolled her eyes. ‘I was beginning to think she’d told everyone during the OWLs when we broke up. She knew I didn’t want anyone to know so she did it to spite me. She came to visit in August and apologised so we’re friends again. I’m just not sure I trust her the same way after and that’s a little lonely too.’ Lily span the empty bottle on the floor absentmindedly. ‘As for Remus never speaking to you again, who do you think sent me here to look for you?’

 

Sirius perked up a little. ‘Really?’

 

‘Yes,’ she smiled, her big eyes creasing at the edges. ‘He’s angry but not so angry that he isn’t worried as hell about you.’ The smile faded. ‘So am I. Look, Black, I know we’ve never been friends, hell I think you’re kind of a child sometimes but the way you were after History of Magic…’

 

‘I’m sorry…’

 

‘You don’t need to be sorry,’ Lily peered up at him. ‘You need to deal with whatever that was. Me saying you were more like Severus than you realised, I can see way that would set you off but there’s more to him than you realise. He’s not evil but life deals people a rough hand sometimes and…’ she watched the sneer forming on Sirius faced and punched his arm again, less gently this time. ‘Hey! It’s easy for the boy in the mansion to laugh at what it’s like to be poor, alright! You haven’t seen Severus’ home, I have! I’ve seen what he’s father’s done to him when he’s been drinking. Severus made his choices when he joined those Knights of Wall…whatever but that doesn’t change that he’s already been through a lot.’

 

‘Walpurgis,’ Sirius muttered. ‘It’s the Knights of Walpurgis. I know because half my family already joined and your buddy Severus has been cornering my little brother and trying to force him to join too.’

 

‘Oh, sorry.’

 

‘It’s alright.’

 

Lily and Sirius sat quietly for a minute.

 

Then Lily grinned. ‘Sirius, you ready to come back up to the school before I need to give you detention?’

 

He rolled his eyes. ‘I’d like to see you try, Lily.’


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and the other marauders shout a lot...  
> Teenagers!

Sneaking back across the grounds as a human and with Lily in tow was more difficult then it had been on the way out. Since apparently the Marauders were trusting Lily Evans with all their secrets these days, Sirius pulled out the map to help them avoid Filch. She laughed so loud when seeing it that they had to hide in a cupboard.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered after a suspicious Prof McGonagall had passed them by. ‘It’s just…’ she giggled again. ‘I’ve been wondering what that bloody piece of parchment was for ages!’ Lily examined it so closely that Sirius had to guide her up the stairs by the elbow so she would not fall. ‘It’s really an amazing piece of magic. I’m really impressed.’

Sirius rolled his eyes as if he did not care, but a little bubble of pride hit him. Lily Evans knew her charms and she was impressed.

‘You should say that to Prongs,’ he muttered. ‘His face would go so red his team would think it was a the quaffle.’

Then it was Lily’s turn to look dismissive, but for a split-second Sirius thought he saw her smile. 

They were both still grinning when they clambered through the portrait-hole into the common room. Quite a few of the people still lingering around the fire gave them surprised glances. It was not as though anyone expected them to be hanging out, especially this late. But it was not until Sirius spotted the hurt expression on James’s face that the smirk slid off his own. 

Lily apparently did not notice as she passed him on the way to her favourite armchair and jokingly said ‘hey I found your stray Potter, you should take better care of him.’

James went straight up to the dormitory with Sirius at his heels. He noticed that Lily had turned her back on a curious-faced Marlene in order to talk to Peter. 

The dormitory door banged in Sirius’s face as James stormed in ahead of him. Sirius ignored that and followed his best friend anyway.

‘Prongs come on!’

Remus very pointedly did not look up from his book as they crashed past him though his knuckles whitened a little as they gripped it tighter. Sirius wanted to try and work out if Moony looked relieved to see he was alright but could only focus on one mess at a time. 

James finally turned to face Sirius, glaring and fidgeting with his hair. 

‘Prongs,’ Sirius put his hands up defensively. ‘This is ridiculous. You can’t honestly believe that anything happened between me and Lily. I know you’ve been nursing this crush a long time but it’s starting to make you crazy.’

James gaped at him in surprised and annoyance. ‘You think I think you’re dating Evans behind my back? That would an insane thing to think just because for two seconds she didn’t seem to hate you!’

Sirius relaxed a little. ‘Oh right, because you…’

‘Oh no,’ James raised a finger. ‘I am angry and I do know sometimes happening and I am jealous.’

‘What?’

‘I’m angry that my friends think they need to leave me out of whatever it is that’s going on and yes I’ll admit I’m jealous that they’ve all seemed to found some common ground with Evans without including me and since when do you call her Lily?’

‘I…’ Sirius blinked. 

‘And you!’ James rounded on Remus. ‘You can stop pretending to read you haven’t turned a page since we came in. You’re in on whatever this is and you’re angry at Padfoot too and I don’t know why.’

‘Don’t bring me into this,’ Remus muttered, putting his book down. ‘You don’t get to decide everything we do James, we’re your friends not your lackeys. If I can get through a conversation with Evans, it’s because we’re both prefects and so we have something to talk about that isn’t me desperately hitting on her.’

James blinked, hurt and Sirius suddenly forgot that he was trying to get Remus to forgive him. 

‘Screw you Moony,’ he snapped. ‘Don’t project you being pissed off at me onto Prongs. You have been hanging out with Lily behind his back and you’re much better friends with her than you let on which is your business, you can have as many friends as you like, but why lie about it?’

Remus opened his mouth to reply but James jumped in. ‘Shut up both of you, I’m the one yelling at you remember!’

‘Yes sir, Prongs sir,’ Remus snarled, getting to his feet. ‘Please let me know if you need me to give myself detention.’

James turned to Sirius to ignore Remus. ‘Where were you and Lily? Why weren’t you at dinner?’

‘Me and Moony had a fight, I went off to cool down and Lily found me. We had a conversation that didn’t end with her cursing me and then we came back to the tower.’

‘What were you fighting about?’ James turned back to Remus. ‘What’s been up with you two lately?’

‘I don’t have to tell you everything Prongs!’ Remus never shouted so Sirius could barely make recognise his raised voice. 

Sirius stared at Moony like he was looking at a stranger. ‘Seriously? This is what you’ll fight to keep secret? Even though you told Lily you’re a werewolf, you told her we were animagi but just so long as James doesn’t know we’re…’

‘You told Lily you’re a werewolf?!’

‘Shout it a little louder James I don’t think they heard you in the dungeons!’ Remus spat. ‘I talked to a friend. How is this anyone’s business?’

‘Because you’re not talking to us and we’re your friends too!’ James groaned with exasperation. ‘We’re always been there for you and…’

‘Yes!’ Remus kicked the bed. ‘I know! I owe you everything!’ His voice broke a little at the end. The fight went out of his eyes. ‘I owe you two everything. And I just needed someone who I didn’t have so much debt…’

Sirius and James froze. Something sharp seemed to be scratching at the inside of Sirius’s throat and eyes.

‘That’s how you feel?’ He whispered, trying to meet Remus’s eyes and ignore the water gathering in his own at the same time. ‘You feel like you owe me something?’

Remus hesitated. ‘I…’

The door swung open behind them and Peter came in with a smile that slipped quickly off his face. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Not now Peter!’ James groaned. 

Peter flinched like he’d been slapped but didn’t move. Remus could not look at anyone. James folded his arms and waited. But Sirius couldn’t focus. 

The room swam in front of his eyes. At first, he thought he was crying but then he staggered to the side, tasting butterbeer rising in his throat. He had skipped dinner and had not eaten for two days before getting on the Hogwarts Express. He tried to remember what he had eaten and thought he could hear someone saying his name. All his friends had moved closer to him but Sirius could not figure out who was speaking before the room went dark.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus talk it out and Halloween comes around to cause trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY  
> It's been a long time I know. I had the first part of this chapter written about a year ago and I know how the story ends (well we all know how it ends ends) but I just couldn't fill in the middle. There's another chapter to come but I won't make any promises about how soon.   
> \- Witch xx

Sirius woke up in the hospital wing. Peter was sitting anxiously beside him and there were hushed voices at the foot of his bed. 

Lily and James stood there talking to Madam Pomfrey and Prof McGonagall. Everyone looked so worried that for a second Sirius panicked. What had happened? Was someone hurt? Then he realised that he was the one in the bed. 

The matron cleared her throat as she noticed Sirius sitting up. Everyone jumped. 

‘How are you feeling Pads?’ James asked. Lily hovered very close to his side.

‘Fine,’ Sirius replied. ‘What happened?’

Prof McGonagall stepped forward. ‘Now that Mr Black is clearly alright, it is time for you three to go back to Gryffindor Tower.’ She stopped James from objecting with a glance. ‘You may come a collect him for breakfast tomorrow.’ 

His friends smiled and said goodnight then did as they were told. None of them looked happy to go. Sirius watched his Head of House nod to Madam Pomfrey, who went off to her office and closed the door. 

McGonagall took the chair that Peter had vacated. ‘You fainted, Black. Madam Pomfrey tells me it looks as though you haven’t eaten properly in some time.’

‘I just skipped dinner…’ Sirius began but his teacher held up a head.

‘She did not mean today. But over the past month or so.’ McGonagall frowned. ‘There were some other old injuries of concern.’

Sirius froze, his fists curling as stared down at his hands. He said nothing. McGonagall watched him for a moment and sighed. 

‘You are not going home for the holidays I assume?’

Sirius shook his head, still looking down.

‘And you will be of age by the end of term…’ McGonagall trailed off, meaningfully. 

Sirius raised his gaze, unsure what she was getting at. McGonagall sighed again. 

‘I am telling you that you are under no legal requirement to return to your family home, Mr Black.’

‘Oh!’ Sirius almost laughed as he caught up. ‘James says Mrs Potter already has my room sorted out.’ 

‘Very well then,’ McGonagall gave him a brusque nod. ‘If that is settled, you should go to sleep.’ Then she left him, extinguishing the lights as she went. 

 

In the morning, Peter and James came to collect Sirius for breakfast. They sat with Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans. Lily watched Sirius a little carefully but didn’t let it distract from the cheerful banter. But Remus was still nowhere to be seen.

‘He was really worried about you,’ Lily whispered as they left the great hall. ‘He never went to sleep last night and he had breakfast really early before Wormy and James got you.’

‘Wormy?’ Sirius sniggered. ‘We’ll have to get you a nickname next.’

She scowled. ‘If you ever try to give me one of your ludicrous nicknames I will curse into pieces so small they’ll fit in a matchbox.’ But there was no real venom in it. 

When Remus had still not appeared after potions and charms, Sirius wanted to skip lunch to look for him. But after his fainting incident, his friends would not hear of it. So instead he ate as fast as he could without making himself sick and then ran all the way to Gryffindor Tower.

The common room held only a few final year students, already looking as though the NEWTs were taking their toll. No sign of Remus. He sprinted up the stairs to the dormitory but he was not there either. Sirius checked the calendar as though he did not have the moon cycle committed to memory. But the Marauders Map was still where Sirius had stuffed it the day before, under his mattress. The dot labelled Remus Lupin was lingering at the top of the astronomy tower.

The stitch is Sirius’s side burned like hell by the time he finished running all the way there. Somewhere near the top part of him wondered why he was running. What did he think he was going to say to Remus that would make the last few days alright?

He did not have to make up his mind right away because when Sirius finally burst out onto the top of the tower where Remus was standing he was so out of the breath that he couldn’t say a word. Remus watched him gasp for a minute before saying anything.

‘You shouldn’t really be running today, did you eat lunch?’

‘Did I eat lunch?’ Sirius spluttered out at last, clutching his side. ‘Really?’

Remus turned his face away a little and gripped the wall. ‘Just answer the question.’

‘Yes I ate some of the lunch that you skipped before running the Hogwarts marathon,’ Sirius growled. ‘Is that really what you want to talk about?’

‘No.’

‘Then...’

Sirius stopped when he heard Remus give a little sob. There he stood, lanky and creased, bags under his pale eyes and he was crying. Sirius stumbled forward and reached out in total confusion.

‘I...oh Moony,’ Sirius struggled for words. ‘Please don’t cry, you don’t cry for anything, I didn’t mean to...I’m sorry.’

‘You’re sorry?’ Remus made a little choked noise between laughing and crying and wiped his face on his sleeves. ‘God Pads, don’t you dare apologise.’ He pulled Sirius into a tight hug. When Sirius felt Remus feeling at his protruding ribs he pulled away just a little, flushing. 

‘I didn’t know it was that bad,’ Remus muttered, keeping his cheek pressed against Sirius’s shoulder. ‘I didn’t want to know, I was so caught up in being the broken one that I shut you out. I’m sorry Sirius.’ 

‘No, the things I said, and taking Prong’s side about Lily and...’ Sirius trailed off. ‘Do you really feel like you owe me and James more then we owe you? Is that how you feel about me? Indebted?’ 

‘I didn’t mean it how it sounded,’ Remus said in the direction of his shoes.

Sighing, Sirius pulled Remus’s face up to look at him again. ‘You’ve done just as much for me as I’ve ever done for you Moony. If you’re indebted to us then I’m indebted to you and James too. And I want you to know that you don’t have to be with me to even up some score...’

Remus shook his head. ‘See that’s exactly how I didn’t want it to sound.’ He groaned and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. ‘It’s just different for me. It’s not the little day to day friendship things that make it feel like a debt it’s that you know the truth about me and you don’t...’

‘What? Case you out of the dorm?’ Sirius laughed. ‘When James met me, the year before you came, he had every reason to prejudge me. I was a Black, a long line of pureblood snobs and Slytherins. It wasn’t just that either. The things I believed and said out loud that year, just because my family believed them, you wouldn’t have liked me much.’

His friend shrugged dismissively. ‘But that’s not your fault...’

‘And getting bitten was yours?’ Sirius retorted. ‘You’re an idiot Moony.’

Remus was still shaking his head, but he was starting to smile again. Sirius watched that smile with a glow of triumph. When Remus looked up again, he reach out and pulled Sirius into a surprising but welcome kiss. They were late to class again. 

The beginning of the term not been very settled and Sirius could see that it had left James with too much left over energy. He bounced off the walls in the common room in the evenings that he did not have quidditch practise. His laugh was a little too loud and he was a little too eager to start trouble. But Remus and Sirius felt badly for dragging him into their fight so they humoured him anyway. 

It was fine at first, they revisited a few old classics. Dungbombs in Filch’s office was never not funny and convincing Peeves to interrupt classes generally won them favour. But Sirius could tell that Remus’s heart was not really in it. Their classmates were less enthusiastic then they had been the year before, weren’t they all getting a little old for this? But the poor reception did not seem to discourage James, if anything it spurred him on and Sirius just wanted him to be happy. 

When the next full moon came, James was thrilled and even Remus seemed to brighten up. He felt guilty about the risks but Sirius knew that having them there made him feel more normal. That night in the forest, for a moment, Sirius almost thought he saw Remus in the werewolf’s eyes, something he had never managed before, but Remus told him he was just being romantic when he brought it up the next day. 

But Snape never seemed far away. He was always on hand to summon a teacher when James’s energy spilled into something silly. James responded in kind, and with a cruelty that Sirius could tell made Remus and Lily uncomfortable. She drifted away from them again and resumed eating her meals with Marlene. But there was something about Snape that made it difficult for Sirius to sympathise. Something in the curl of his lip. Something about how he would sit with the more aggressive Slytherins at lunch, whispering ideas to them with a smirk, but was no where to be seen when a fight started. 

And there were more fights than ever recently. Muggle-born students in particular were feeling the pinch but it was spilling over everywhere. 

Then Halloween came, James had a plan to get the Slytherins at the feast. He was particularly bitter over the way their beaters had targeted his new young chaser at the last match. Ugly words had been thrown in the rough weather and Shacklebolt, as big as he was for his age, had been shaken by the whole thing.

‘We’ll show them up and put a bit more Gryffindor fighting spirit into the whole team,’ James grinned, as he worked out the finer points of the spell. Remus smiled too, this was so harmless, and it was Halloween. If there was no prank people would wonder what was wrong. People needed a laugh, the tension in corridors was making everyone as jumpy as Peter these days. Peter was the only one who wasn’t sure about this.

‘Won’t it just make things worse?’

‘Don’t be a wuss,’ Sirius nudged him. ‘It’ll be fine and we’ll all be together.’

Peter smiled, but it trembled. 

The feast came and James had everything in place. As soon as the plates filled with dinner, the dozens of giant pumpkins around the room, flew towards the Slytherin table and pelted them all with seeds and pulp. It was hard to miss how they seemed particularly focused on the quidditch team and Snape but no one was safe. The Slytherin students jumped shouting to their feet, knocking benches over in their haste to escape. 

Sirius laughed so hard he cried. 

The Slytherins were furious, and demanded James and Sirius be punished. But there was no proof that they had done it. Dumbledore gave them both very serious looks as McGonnagall threatened to do terrible things if she found out who had done it but he said nothing. Something about his eyes made Sirius uncomfortable. It was only a joke. No one had even got hurt. Why did it not feel that way anymore?

McGonnagall dragged James off, saying how she expected better leadership from the Gryffindor quidditch captain. Peter and Remus had already gone upstairs, so Sirius made to follow. 

There were only a handful of students now, making their way to bed up the stairs. So when someone screamed from an empty classroom, only Sirius ran to the door. 

‘Stupid mudblood, be quiet!’ Someone snarled ‘Stupify!’ There was a flash of red. 

Sirius crashed inside, wand raised. He expected to see one those troll-like fifth-years, or even Snape. He had not expected to see his little brother. 

Regulus’s hands were shaking. There was a red mark where a bruise would be tomorrow on his cheek. His eyes were wide looking up at Sirius but his big brother could not move or get a word out. 

‘They said I had too,’ Regulus blurted out, tears welling up. ‘After getting humiliated by Potter, they said blood-traitors in Gryffindor had to learn their pl…’

‘Stop,’ Sirius whispered. ‘Please stop Reg.’

‘Sirius I…’

‘Get out of here, Reg,’ Sirius pushed his brother away from the fallen Gryffindor student. He recognised him now. He was only a second year. Twelve years old. ‘Go tell your mates what a brave little soldier for blood purity you were tonight.’

Regulus hesitated before running away, but not for very long. Not for long enough, Sirius thought bitterly as he put his wand away and pulled the unconscious second-year onto his back. 

It was a long walk to the hospital wing but the kid Sirius was carrying wasn’t heavy. He only ran into two other students, a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor kissing behind a statue. They stopped and gasped when they saw him coming. 

‘Go get McGonnagall will you?’ He told the Gryffindor girl. ‘Tell I’m taking him to the hospital wing.’ The couple scrambled off in a panic. 

Sirius sighed, readjusted the weight and set off again. Remus and James would be out looking for him by now. He felt a pang of regret about that. It was the full moon in two days and Moony was already not sleeping well. Sirius didn’t want him up in the middle of the night right now. 

‘Huh,’ Snape leaned against an archway further down the corridor. ‘Looks like your useless brother came through for once, what a surprise.’

Sirius nearly dropped the kid, trying to reach for his wand, and had to stop and catch him. Snape sniggered. ‘You’re not as tough as you used to be, Black. Helping keep that freak friend of yours hidden every month is taking your edge.’

Just as something began to snap inside Sirius, the second-year on his back started to wake up and he was crying. Sirius had to put him onto the stairs to calm him down. Snape laughed again.

‘Going so soft, Black,’ he crowed. 

‘Whatever Snivellous,’ Sirius snarled. If he wasn’t careful he’d change right here and bite him, no wands necessary. ‘If you’re so tough come down to the Whomping Willow some night, then we’ll see.’

‘And have you laugh while the tree beats me around,’ Snape raised an eyebrow. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘It’s charmed, you grease-stain,’ Sirius couldn’t even see he was so angry. ‘Now got lost before McGonnagall gets here or I’ll tell her that you’re the one who did this.’

‘And get little Regulus in trouble again?’ Snape tilted his head. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Two nights from now,’ Sirius bore his teeth, certain that if he looked at Snape one more second he would lose all control. ‘We’ll settle this.’

The sound of slippers hitting stone heralded Professor McGonagall’s arrival and Snape disappeared into shadows. As Sirius helped the second-year back to his feet, a cold certainty settled in his stomach. If he had had his wand in his hand tonight, he might have killed Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes...this is going where you think it's going. I know most people think the canon suggests this happened in fifth year before the OWLs memory but honestly I've never really felt that was right.

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been thinking about for years. I'd love more discussion of bullying and abusive behaviour in this kind of story.


End file.
